Scenes From A Successful Saturday Night

Let's start at Sushi Maru, where I was enjoying dinner with Claire, Craig, Jimbo and Holly. Jim is on a first name basis with the sushi chef, who I swear said his name was Bruce Lee. Jim asks Bruce to make him some sort of sea urchin pastey looking thing, to which Bruce Lee replies, "Maybe this one is not so good for beginners." Translation: You honkeys can't handle it. Of course, being men, Jim and Craig see this as a challenge and order it anyway. Us girls watch intently as they shovel it into their mouths, chew thoughtfully, and report that it wasn't bad. Holly nods as if she expected this, and says, "They go down on girls. They'll eat anything."

Craig convinces the gang that we all need an ice cream cone. We head for the nearest 31 Flavors, realizing that it is 5 to 10, and we are cutting it very close. Jimbo swings Magnum into the parking lot and Craig jumps out of the car (before it even slows down) to keep the place from closing. The teenagers behind the counter let us have our cones, but they made us eat them outside in the freezing cold. That's ok - it was worth it.

On to the Blue Max, where we arrived for a "quick nightcap" which turned into several hours of untold fun. Let's start with Wally, the old guy posted up at the bar where Craig and I were ordering drinks. Wally told me to hop up on the barstool next to him, which I promptly did. I asked Wally if he would be singing karoke that evening. Wally comes back with, "I can't sing. But I do a lot of other stuff. How far you wanna explore me?"

Jorge and Timmy were at the Max when we arrived, and we began round after round of 7and7's, Stoli and tonics, and beer. This was when Country Boy and Catbox Lady descended upon us. Country Boy (thus named because he only sang country songs) began to try to get us to sing, but no one was in the mood. He and his girl - Catbox Lady- hounded us the whole night. Catbox Lady was a toucher. She put her arms aound us, patted knees, did a little rubbing here and there. This was quite bothersome, but nowhere near as wicked as her breath, which smelled like a catbox that hadn't been emptied in about a year. We tried every trick in the book to get away from her, but Craig definitely wins the prize. As Craig and Claire were carrying on a conversation, I was stuck listening to Catbox Lady drone on and on. I began poking Craig in the leg, and I could hear Craig and Claire giggling over my plight. Suddenly, Craig jumps up, turns to me and says, "Stacy - I can't believe you told that secret. Get outside NOW, we need to talk!" I shrugged my shoulders at Catbox Lady and ran outside with Craig, laughing my ass off. Of course, we realized Claire was now stuck, but not for long. Claire tells stinky breath that she needs to come out and referee, and our rescue was complete (for the time being, anyway.)

I also need to discuss the ladies room, which Holly and I visited directly AFTER Catbox Lady. The stench in there was so bad, we almost passed out. The smell in there was also reminiscent of a raunchy pussy cat, minus the word cat. Ewwww. Later, Timmy had to go to the men's room with me while I peed in there. He was an excellent guard. And the men's room was much nicer than the ladies room. Weird, huh?

And so our crew finally called it a night and we boarded Magnum and headed for the domestic domain of Jim and Holly. Good times had by all.