Drunk Dialie Karma

As has been well documented, I have a drunk dialie problem. Apparently, karma has decided to bite me in the ass.

Wednesday, 2:30 am. I am sleeping soundly in my bed when I am rudely awakened by the shrill ring of my cell phone. I reach for it groggily and manage to croak out, "Hello?" I am assuming it is the person I usually dial drunk, as he seems to be the only person to call me in the middle of the night.

"Stacy? Did I wake you? I am sorry...is it ok to talk?" I quickly determined this was not who I thought, and try to place the voice through the fog in my brain.

"I am in Japan...it is only 5 here. I just thought I would return your call and find out what's been going on in the Bay Area." Return my call? I suddenly remember being incredibly drunk at the Dave Matthews concert and trying to call my cousin, only to find myself screaming at my uncle. Ay yi yi. So, naturally, I now assume this is my cousin. Still hazy, I proceed to talk for a few minutes until the caller suddenly mentions that he has not talked to Claire for awhile either. Claire? Huh? This is NOT my cousin. As this thought is racing through my ever slow brain at this ungodly hour, the caller speaks again.

"So what's up? You wanna masturbate on the phone with me right now?"

Now my eyes are wide open. I screech out,"I am going back to sleep," and hang up the phone. Of course the caller rings me again (the number is restricted) and leaves me a very graphic message that details his desire to put his phone on vibrate, shove it up his anus, and have me return his call. He would also like me to do the reverse. A real gentleman.

I still have no idea who this culprit is. As Jimbo says...I was simply a victim of drunk dialie karma.